Another No Nut November has come upon us and hundreds of thousands of guys are on their day #1 of no PMO. We all have different motives behind why we participate, but nobody can deny that the spirits are high. We’re all motivated to crush it this month, so I’m taking the opportunity to make this November more special by showing you how to quit porn for good.
Quitting porn is essential if you want to live a healthier and a happier life. Imagine a life where energy and potential don’t get wasted, where you don’t feel ashamed and isolated by the choices you made… all for a short-term feeling of pleasure. Pursuing overall happiness and health is crucial and most of us want to be on that road. But, the cold hard truth is that it feels next to impossible to quit porn when you’re stuck in the cycle. It’s easier to go for that dopamine hit and feel the instant gratification. So let’s stop settling for easy. Let’s stop making excuses for ourselves. Let’s quit porn once and for all.
That being said, quitting porn takes effort and there is no magic pill that’s going to rewire your brain. For a while after you quit, you will most probably feel like shit. The withdrawal phase is real, don’t underestimate it. But if you follow these six steps, you will properly set yourself up for success.
Step #1: Set your intentions for the journey
Setting your intentions gives you a clear vision of what you truly desire and then it allows you to focus on what needs to be achieved to level up as a man. It’s a combination of purpose and action, which is a great balance and therefore helps you manifest your goals faster and easier.
Why do you want to quit porn? Are you going to step in full control over your actions and are you going to fight for the man you want to build yourself into? I can promise you it’s worth it, I’ve never had a client who felt regret over time and energy invested into overcoming porn dependency. It’s truly transformational, it doesn’t only help you fix your brain chemicals (which is extremely important if you want to feel good in your own body), but it builds character, it makes you physically stronger and it helps you nurture and create healthy relationships with others. It affects every part of your life. Time to get ready for a complete identity shift.
Here’s exactly how to start your journey: open up your journal, open up a new document on your computer, get a piece of paper and write. Identify what you want to achieve and why you want to achieve it. Once that’s done take your time to understand what kind of a man you have to be to achieve these goals. Lastly, you have to crush those limiting beliefs. You know that nasty little voice in your head that’s telling you that you can’t succeed? Guess what? You’ve already succeeded. Obviously not in quitting porn forever, but you’ve succeeded in different fields in life. Remember and write down examples of battles you’ve already won. Let those be a reminder to you that however hard a fight might be, there is always a way to win.
Don’t skip this step, it’s crucial to set your intentions right, it will immensely help your subconscious to fight the urges that are surely coming your way.
Step #2: Recycle Bin – The Digital Declutter
It’s time to fully clear your browser history, delete all those files on your PC, all the bookmarks you have saved. Yes, even your favorites. It’s time to delete your accounts, even the ones you paid for. Put in the extra effort and get them all terminated. There is no reason to leave leftover data lingering in the void.
If you can’t successfully declutter it all, go back to step one and figure out why you’re doing this. For those who did step one correctly this step will feel so good, it’s extremely fulfilling to act according to the intention set.
By the way, If you’re one of those old school guys with a bunch of magazines, this action step can feel even more satisfying. Don’t think twice about throwing out every single piece of content that has anything to do with porn. That shit doesn’t serve you anymore, get rid of all of it.
Step #3: The Deep Work
Porn was meant to be addictive. Porn websites want you to spend more time on them and as often as possible. They invest millions of dollars in behavioral marketing to ensure that you will consume it and buy it. The industry is worth more than $100 billion and it has an effect on everyone, one way or another. It’s a normalized taboo and the general public’s opinion is that it’s harmless.
Thankfully, the society is debating this opinion more often and every day more people are aware of the physical, mental, social, and financial consequences of consuming porn. I’m sure that the industry had an effect on the fact that pornography addiction is not listed as a diagnosis on Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). I know that might sound like a conspiracy, but from working with over a thousand men in the past 10 years I promise you it belongs on that manual.
“The Deep Work” consists of searching deep within yourself and understanding your reason. In other words, it’s self-reflection and introspection. You have to be willing to explore your inner thoughts. What this really means is detaching yourself from the issue and analyzing your past and present. Why did you start watching porn? When did it become a habit and a form of escape?
Usually, watching a lot of pornography isn’t for the sake of actually watching it; it’s about other emotions you’re suppressing. Porn is often there as a substitute for something or you use it to take your attention away from something. Do you use it to numb yourself out? Confronting yourself and figuring out why you’re watching porn is difficult to answer, but this kind of deep work is valuable. Discomfort that you feel while facing yourself is a form of progress, so don’t run from it – welcome it instead.
It can be challenging not to stray away from the path, this is why I encourage anyone who thinks their true reason is deeply burrowed to get guided on their introspection journey. Schedule a call here to get started on personalized private coaching.
Step #4: Forgiveness
After you quit porn, the healing process starts with forgiveness. Remember that the one true enemy isn’t an individual who suffers from porn addiction, it’s the porn industry. Let’s repeat that. Porn addicts are not the enemy. Porn industry is the enemy. It influences millions of men and traps them inside a virtual world that has no real substance.
The reason this matters so much is because one can’t forgive themselves until they get out of the shame cycle. As ugly and uncomfortable as shame might feel, the crisis passes and leaves the addict vulnerable to different triggers that get them to turn to porn again and restart the cycle. It’s time to forgive yourself for becoming a consumer and then an addict. Numerous studies have shown that people who practice self-forgiveness experience lower levels of depression and anxiety. There’s also correlation between self-compassion and higher levels of overall success, productivity and quality focus.
A study shows that self-forgiveness promotes healing for those suffering from anxiety and depression.
If you’re struggling with self-forgiveness, there’s a great exercise that I share in my Relapse Recovery Guide. It’s completely free! So if you’re interested, sign up with your email here and I’ll send it over to you right away.
Step #5: Rebuilding yourself
Now that you’ve built a thicker skin by accepting yourself, it’s time to step out of the comfort zone. You’re shifting your identity by quitting porn, so why would you keep the same routine? I’d start by fully scheduling out your month – get yourself busy. If you don’t know what to do, here are some random ideas; join a boxing class, reach out to old friends, volunteer, join a gym & spa center and try out a sauna, join a hiking club. If you’re not able to go out, you can always focus on renovating your living space. If you have a family, focus on them and try to do something new together.
The point is to do something new, it doesn’t have to be crazy or expensive. Just going for a walk around your neighborhood while listening to a new podcast is great. You can’t expect yourself to do the same thing you’ve been doing so far and reach success. Filing your schedule up with new activities is going to raise your adrenaline and dopamine levels. The hardest part is going to be actually sticking to it, but you should push through. It’s great to hustle and chase goals, but remember that self-care is just as productive.
Once I realized that porn was the one thing stopping me from living a fulfilling and healthy life, I tried my best to get rid of it. I kept failing and that way I hit my personal rock-bottom. Honestly, the two things that helped me the most were changing my routine completely and having community support.
Step #6: Community Accountability
Joining a community is the best way to hack your own brain into staying on the right road. I’m not really talking about forums, unless you want to spend hours of your precious time finding an active group of men who you’ll end up actually being able to rely on. Having a porn addiction makes you feel isolated and ashamed. If you’re dead set on quitting, you want a group of 5-8 guys who are just as serious.
You can always join our Dopamine Discipline brotherhood, a training program created by a licensed therapist (me!). Once you join, our coaches will create an accountability group for you. More importantly you get to join group therapy sessions led by licensed therapists who specialize in overcoming porn dependency. All of that comes with unlimited access to a private Facebook group and a massive library of videos that take you through your journey week by week. Can’t forget to mention specially designed habit trackers, exercises and checklists that will help you immensely on your journey. See you in there!